How To Deal
With Toxic People At Work
You Deserve Better - Here's To The First Step: Awareness
You Deserve Better - Here's To The First Step: Awareness
The way to deal with toxic people in business is to NOT deal with them. End of blog.
Just kidding. It is obviously more difficult than that.
In this blog, I outline the most toxic types to help you recognize them quickly, with the hope that you then can avoid being drawn into their vortex. Such people create drama and conflict - and this is not conducive to organizational health and progress. Let's explore the most common toxic types in organizations. If you have worked in a team, you will recognize them. Hopefully, you won't recognize yourself, though admittedly, in small ways, I can see "historical me" in some of these types (Hallelujah, maturity! (and the wisdom that living brings to those who give a hoot)).
After defining each toxic type, I apply Charlie Munger's principle to "invert - always invert" to identify the positive counterpart. If you DO see yourself in any of these toxic types, own the label, then absorb the inversion, and move forward as your best self - feel just enough shame about it to propel you forward and accept that you are an evolving creature. Yet, if you DO momentarily see yourself and just as quickly dismiss it, then be aware you might be in denial, my friend!
Lastly, if you are a manager, then hopefully you have evolved (matured) beyond these toxic types, because if you haven't, then you got promoted too soon! If you are managing people like these on your team, it is your responsibility to address toxic behaviors directly, even if that means formal reprimands or dismissals. Excusing bad behavior invites organizational decay. If you attempt to dismiss bad behaviour as "oh that's just the way he/she is", then you are inviting the ooze of toxicity to creep into every corner of the organization and trigger a rot from the inside out.
Let's begin...
Self-important jerks who are focused more on their "title" and perceived status in the company than on actually getting serious things done. Watch your back. If they are in a position below you, they are gunning for you or buttering you up so that you will pave the way for them to steamroll over others (and maybe you!) even when others (or you!) may be otherwise more competent and deserving.
Inversion: Be so good they can't ignore you. Good things (i.e. advancement in the company) come to those who wait, and better things come to those who get busy while they are waiting. And, remember the 'Peter Principle' which observes that "people often get promoted to the level of their incompetence." Simply put, "status" is over-rated and often just the pursuit of people who possess either extreme of feeling inferior or superior to others. They make poor colleagues. They are to be completely avoided as friends/acquaintances.
Opportunists who are really only loyal to their own game and future. When your usefulness to them runs out, so does any loyalty you deserved from them or that you thought they felt toward you. These folks look to expand their power base, influence, and control over others. To them, success equates to "how many people are under me." They tend not to realize just how obvious their attempted (or actual) power grabs are and shamelessly try to lead people down a garden path to nowhere. Their influence can be toxic and unfortunately contagious. Their lack of professional integrity will expose them through small acts of self-betrayal. They truly are pathetic and you deserve better than to have to work through all of their maneuvering.
Inversion: Power grows with experience and personal growth—just as an oak tree grows to the sky from a humble acorn, you too will grow and accumulate influence for the right reasons.
A 'rabbit tracker' is one who has a major mission to accomplish but who slips into distraction (by their own choice) performing trivial tasks, dragging others along for their rabbit-hole deep dives. This is called rabbit-tracking because such people are supposed to be hunting bear and looking for bear tracks, not following rabbit tracks into holes of oblivion. Rabbit tracking happens when people shift their strategic gaze in the wrong direction, often as a consequence of some other toxic trait like 'status seeking'. In the good words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, he wrote: "The crime which bankrupts men and nations is that of turning aside from one’s main purpose to serve a job here and there."
Inversion: Do not let the minutiae of minor time-wasting keep you from the most important thing on your agenda. Keep your eyes on the prize and do not relent.
This is the kind of person who will try to make something big out of trivial matters. Their lack of professional integrity shines through in never-ending passive-aggressive snide remarks or outbursts or behaviours that add up to a toxic sludge. They also might have adult tantrums to get their way. They should NEVER be kowtowed to, not ever. As soon as you appease this kind of toxicity, you empower Mr. Petty to do more of it. What does an adult tantrum look like? Look for statements like: "This has gone on long enough!", (i.e. in response to some small matter and which then makes you go "huh?" and "what's Mr. Petty talking about?!") When you find yourself perplexed by the assertions of a petty player, you are probably seeing their adult temper tantrum. You may need to keep working with people like this, but you don't have to be their friend. You don't need to have lunch or go for coffee with them. You just set boundaries and quietly reinforce them.
What else to watch for?:
Inversion: Be cool. Do not retaliate to someone else's passive-aggressiveness. You do not owe a response to someone's bad behaviour - it is not passive-aggressive for you to go silent as part of your boundary setting. Avoid escalating situations that reinforce the original bad behaviour. Check your emotions at the door. The workplace is NO PLACE for immaturity, foot-stomping, personal vendettas, pettiness and other manipulations. State your piece being forthright and never use fake niceness.
Like Rabbit Trackers, these folks actively avoid the main goal. They choose to go through a swamp instead of around it AND they pull others along for the messy chaos. These folks would get to the important task if only they didn't first have to clean their desk, answer emails, file papers, peer into the private lives of others etc. This slows them down and gives them all kinds of reasons for not getting to the real task at hand. Listen for their complaints (i.e. "I'd be able to do more if only the company had enough money to hire some folks to work on my team" - whatever). Listen to how onerous their responsibilities are. Listen to how heroic they think they are for having endured the quagmire (of their own choosing).
Inversion: Bring Occam's razor to every problem—look for the clearest path to your goal. The glory is in getting to your goal more than in the process. Clear every obstacle and don't put off to tomorrow what can be done today. Do NOT get caught up in minutiae and do NOT scapegoat to reasons that reduce your own agency.
These folks look for big bars to jump over so they can soak up the glory of their achievement. Meanwhile, all around them are one-foot bars they simply could have stepped over in multiple succession. The danger here is that such folks will often justify their pursuits by trying to inspire or pull other team members off of THEIR agenda.
Inversion: We all have the same hours in our day—use them wisely and seek accomplishment as the first priority. Glory may or may not follow, but you yourself can always own your accomplishments.
When things go wrong, these folks are the first to point the finger away from themselves. The problem is everyone else's fault and never theirs. They will repeatedly shoot out a blame dart looking for anyone they can stick it to.
Inversion: If you seek the opportunities that come from holding responsibilities, be responsible. Take ownership of any mistakes and spell out exactly what you could have done differently (and what you will do differently in the future). This builds respect and trust.
This person will try to one-up everything you do out of envy for your achievements or for the status or power that you have. These folks will be particularly envious if you are held in high regard by higher-ups in the organization. They want to leech or steal that influence. Doing so undermines the efforts of others.
Inversion: Respect is won, not stolen.
Always be wary of the person who heaps more praise on you than you deserve. At some point, they will heap more blame on you than you deserve too. The type of person who indulges a shadowy inauthenticity is the proverbial 'wolf in sheep's clothing'. Think of the person who always has a hidden agenda. They are the duplicitous social climber looking to butter you up with compliments that overstate your true status. Think of the person who talks smack about others non-stop, but then puts on a friendly face to those same people the next time you are all together. You know darn well that such a wolf is ALSO talking smack about you too when you are not around. This kind of behaviour is so toxic because it is so insidious and so hidden behind a 'good guy' mask. Do not let your guard down - the back stabber will turn into a front-stabber at their first elevation of power.
Inversion: Be authentic. The person you are in private should align with the person you are in public. Why? Because you are a person of principles, not manipulative opportunism.
This person will beat around the bush, make snide remarks, or sow small seeds that grow like weeds to choke out all positive growth in the organization. They just can't get to the point with frankness and forthrightness. Everything is a game of subtlety that compels others to second-guess their own agenda.
Inversion: Speak and write plainly in all of your communications. Being forthright is a cardinal virtue.
When things go right, these folks are the first ones to step up and insert themselves into the list of credits. They do this with blatant disregard for the people who actually came up with a brilliant idea or solution.
Inversion: Share all glories and do not forget the people who made it possible for your achievements. Especially show high public regard for those who were vital to your success. No one will believe it was all you anyway, so why bother with that charade? We all stand on the shoulders of giants who came before us.
These folks are happy and quick to be the beneficiaries of other people's generosity but slow to reciprocate. When THEY need help, they expect it from others - but when others come knocking, they are "too busy right now". Look for the kind of people who are available to go for lunch as long as someone else is paying and inviting.
Inversion: The best way to not be perceived as a "taker" is to make it your conscious purpose to do something selfless or company-serving every day.
People who can't accept that they have made a mistake. It is next to impossible to work with someone who is incapable of seeing themselves objectively and with sufficient self-acceptance to admit errors, even when indisputably obvious.
Inversion: Are you so fragile that you can't acknowledge a personal failure or an error in judgment? Of course not. Learn from your mistakes and stand tall.
Those who think they can cover up a litany of missteps or manipulations by buttering up those who have something the flatterer wants - whether that is money, attention, position, power, and anything that gives them unearned advantage. This creates an atmosphere of inauthenticity.
Inversion: Compliment carefully and subtly and do not make a contrived public spectacle of your sentiments.
These people either have too much time on their hands or seek to undermine others' reputations. They deal petty drama - they intrude on the personal lives of others - their ace card is some juicy new tidbit that they can whisper to others about. Allowing these folks to continue unchecked in the organization just creates a zone of mistrust.
Inversion: Everyone knows that it is wrong to spread negative sentiment. Take the high road—it's less crowded.
This person constantly focuses on what is wrong without offering actual constructive solutions. This is not productive for the team or the organization as a whole.
Inversion: Only bring a criticism if you also are bringing a reasonable solution and do try to not immerse in negativity. If a problem exists, it can be overcome better with a mood of motivated optimism.
This person uses intimidation and threats, often passive-aggressively, to dominate others. If they have even a little power, they amplify it to exert more pressure than they've earned.
Be kind to all regardless of their position in the company and especially to those who are new or less experienced. Their quietness may indicate intimidation—be mindful not to let it come across as bullying.
In the modern "Knowledge Economy," most of our colleagues are "knowledge workers." These individuals don't need micro-management - just clear direction, occasional nudging, and constructive feedback when they seek clarification. However, micromanagers feel the need to control everything, exercising their authority excessively.
Set a big-picture vision and remind your team of their goals. Trust them to find the best way—often, it's better than yours.
This personality type undermines colleagues, projects, and company goals out of unspoken spite or personal vendettas - often driven by envy.
Envy is the worst of the seven deadly sins, says Charlie Munger. At least gluttony and lust bring some pleasure. Help lift the whole team instead. Try to take pride in your contributions. Remember that progress, like wealth, is not a zero-sum game. Others do not need to lose in order for you to win. Making yourself look good by making others look bad NEVER lasts.
This person thrives on chaos. Unlike problem solvers who turn mountains into molehills, they do the opposite - escalating minor issues into crises.
When drama peaks, be the voice of calm. Sometimes, all people need is reassurance: "We got this." Don't indulge hysteria—lead with composure.
A narcissist full of big ideas who believes that talking about an idea accomplishes something. After their grand speech, they often need to take a break - because all that talking was exhausting.
Commit daily to actions that advance your work and the organization's progress. Actions speak louder than words. Walk the talk.
To your face, they're all smiles—friendly, even submissive. But as soon as you turn your back, they will take whatever envy or hidden conflict they have with you and turn against you behind your back. They will spread lies and exaggerations to undermine your efforts and reputation, sometimes to even completely take you out of the picture. When you feel that your credibility is being unreasonably questioned by people who barely know you, suspect a back stabber in your ranks. They have primed others against you. What can be maddening about such colleagues is that they will often agree with you to your face, but like a compressed spring, they revert to their true opinions behind your back.
Handle conflicts head-on. Be frank and firm with people. Maintain a cool and professional demeanor. And, keep your eyes wide open.
These folks are the 'overly curious (about the wrong things)'. They are intrusive - always prying into others' business. Frequently, this toxicity comes with being a gossip too as they often feel the need to speak about the thing they were nosey about. They love collecting dirt to spread or use as leverage.
Other people's success or failure is not your concern. Prosperity isn't a zero-sum game. Stay focused on your own path and empower others to do the same.
The so-called "nice guy." When things go well, they're your buddy. But when things go south, they'll scapegoat you, criticizing publicly and apologizing privately.
Authenticity means consistency. People will recognize you as a person of integrity when you present the same face in public and private.
They cling to power to feel important, arbitrarily restricting access. The GateKeeper I describe here is not the same as the person who is literally in charge of protecting company assets or access. Guarding is not GateKeeping. To the guard, it isn't about hoarding control - it's about responsible stewardship. The security guard at the bank vault is not a "gate keeper" - they are essential and their purpose should be a given. By contrast, a "gatekeeper" in the pejorative sense is someone who does not have a specific stewardship over an organization asset, but who likes to pretend they do.
Take pride in your responsibilities. If your role is to protect assets, don't be shamed into yielding control—your authority exists for a reason.
This person disregards professional boundaries, inserting themselves into conversations and making personal matters out of business interactions. They just can't seem to stay in their own lane, always looking to see what benefit somebody else has, always looking to overstep their own authority and power to obtain those benefits for themselves.
Respect where others begin and you end. Boundaries should be mutually upheld.
These folks hold onto every slight, no matter how petty. For them, every day is a mission to make mountains out of molehills. Whereas, the entire agenda of most organizations is take down figurative mountains, not build them up. The 'grudgemeister' is someone who accumulates their grudges over time (often referred to as 'gunnysacking') and given enough motivation and time, their only release is to obtain some level of revenge (even when their grudges are baseless!).
If someone undermines you, note it—but don't hold a grudge. Remember that feeling vengeful is the equivalent of swallowing poison and hoping the other guy (your target) feels the effects!
Seeks glory for merely doing their job, craving recognition and validation for their so-called "greatness." This puts them on a path to put personal gain and personal glory above the concerted efforts of the team. Here's what they typically say: "I told him/her what was going to happen, but they didn't listen to me". Yes, they re-write history to shed a positive light on themselves in order to try to claim unearned heroic status. In fact, they are merely 'legends in their own mind'
Glory earned through genuine achievement is the only kind worth pursuing. Everything else is hollow.
Always overwhelmed and overworked. According to them, if they weren't there, the organization would fall apart. They thrive on martyrdom, making baseless accusations to put others on the defensive. They often commiserate with other self-proclaimed victims.
Get over it (and you know what "it" is).
Robert Greene’s The 48 Laws of Power is often seen as a guide to strategic maneuvering in competitive environments, but its principles also offer valuable insights into fostering a healthy and resilient organization. While power dynamics can sometimes be associated with manipulation, an organization that understands these laws can use them to enhance leadership, strengthen workplace relationships, and promote a culture of strategic thinking.
Mr. Greene's "Cat’s Paw" power play, from The 48 Laws of Power, refers to the strategic manipulation of others to do your dirty work while you remain unscathed. The term originates from the fable of the monkey who tricks a cat into pulling chestnuts from a fire, burning its paw while the monkey enjoys the spoils. Watch out for someone who is encouraging you to do something or say something - you might unwittingly be THEIR cat's paw.
The book is often used by leaders and employees alike to focus on the importance of managing egos within an organization. A thriving workplace ensures that recognition is distributed wisely, avoiding resentment while still encouraging individual contributions.
When faced with toxicity, acknowledge it for what it is. If possible, avoid toxic individuals altogether. If you must engage, keep interactions brief and professional.
You cannot fix those with deep-seated issues. At the end of the day, you may only have the power to issue a formal complaint or reprimand. The toxic person may be forced to move on OR you may need move yourself on or find ways to cope. For deep-seated toxicity, the best you can do is shield yourself from the source, then: "wish them well and let the demons dwell." Toxic people can turn an otherwise good organization into a gong show of dysfunction.
Those who indulge such toxicity do not serve the greater good.
All of them are clowns. Every. Single. One.
Leave the clowns to play in their circus (though if you are managing that circus, BRING DOWN THE TENT ON THE CLOWNS!) Focus on meaningful work. Your self-worth should come from your pride of purpose and your contributions, not from engaging in the dysfunction of others. The organization's worth is derived from providing value - do your best to make sure that dysfunction is checked at the figurative front door of your organization. Your long-term viability as an organization may depend on it.
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